Wow, there's a sentence I never thought I'd say.

I'm talking about that commercial for Pepto-Bismol, the one where the advertising icons come to life and start attacking the city. They're crushing buildings with their feet and generally causing havoc everywhere. And then they get upset stomach and diarrhea. Maybe from all of the people they've been eating or something. Now, this seems like great news for the world. The giants will get sick and stop attacking the world, maybe even die, never hurting the world again. It would at least give the city some time to figure out what to do with the giants, blow them up or drug them or tie them up or something.

So why do they send in a helicopter with a giant bottle of Pepto? Why do they want to help the giants, make them feel better? The giants take the medicine, and the commercial ends with the monsters continuing to attack the city.

???

I guess the prospect of giants having diarrhea all over the city was worse than him stepping on people and crushing buildings.

What is it with cereals and free movie offers? Every time I see a box of cereal that says you can get a free movie, the movies are usually really...how can I put this...lame?

Take the new offer on boxes of Product 19 (a cereal I haven't had in years but decided to eat again). The movies you can get are Dunston Checks In, Cocoon, Lucas, Cheaper By The Dozen (the remake), Nine Months, Thumbelina, The Pick-Up Artist, and Breaking Away. OK, so a few of those movies are actually pretty good, but I'm talking more about the offer itself. Aren't these movies you can probably get in the discount bin at Best Buy for $9.99 or less anyway? How did they come up with these titles?

I mean, seriously: Dunston Checks In??

I was just watching a commercial for Colgate Total, and the woman in the ad is going on and on about how much she likes it, that her doctor recommended that she use it, etc, etc, and then she uses this line:

"It's the only toothpaste I use."

Well, so what? I'm sure the product is fine, but who switches toothpastes regularly? I think most people find a toothpaste that they like and they stick with it forever. They might switch to a different flavor or something, but I would be that very few people completely switch their toothpaste.

Not that they couldn't, of course, because there are approximately 3000 different types of toothpastes now. It takes me about 10 minutes just to find the one that I always use (Crest gel) because it's lost in all the other flavors and styles. Gah. Sometimes I think choice is a really bad thing.

The hell?

Is this a real commercial? It's from the 1980s, and it's an ad for something called "Synth coke," which seems to be like real cocaine, only not as expensive (but who knows if the effects were the same, better, or worse). The ad, which has all of the charm and production values of 80s porn movies, says that it's the way to a girl's heart (and other things) and that it can be found in "adult bookstores and boutiques throughout Manhattan."

I don't remember seeing this on VH-1's I Love The 80s.

[via Boing Boing]

No, it's not a new game show on NBC featuring a celebrity host and a bunch of girls with giant noses that might contain money, it's a new advertising idea from the folks at the financial paper.

As Chris mentioned earlier, they're a new version of the old "scratch and sniff" ads called "rub and sniff," which actually sounds like some sex position, or maybe a play that will be run in the Super Bowl coming up in February. These ads will use a technology different from the typical peel and smell ads (like cologne ads) you see in mags like GQ and Esquire. It's a rub, not a scratch.

For now the ads will just be included in newspaper inserts, not as part of the newspaper itself.

All of the Super Bowl commercials that Budweiser will run have been posted to YouTube. You can see snippets of all 8 of them on this page, or you can check out the video below. It condenses all the ads into 3 minutes and 9 seconds. The ads this year feature crabs, Clydesdales, a space station, and a hitchhiker with an axe.

One of them, "Rock, Paper, Scissors," has already run on television (at least I think it has, or did I see it online?), so it's not new or special for this Super Bowl. As for the other ads, again I say...eh. I've never been a fan of the Budweiser commercials, and I can never understand why they seem to win ad critic and viewer polls for best ads every year.

I like the one with the dog though. Dogs are cool.

The newest ad from Cisco jumps on the viral video craze, but I wonder if it confuses as many viewers who it attracts.

It's the one that shows the kid in the kitchen dancing, and he's filmed via cell phone camera by his dad. The video is put online and it becomes a sensation, a la that Star Wars kid on the "Lazy Sunday" video. Kids are watching it, the entire population of China is watching it, it's even broadcast on the big screen in Times Square.

First of all, I don't think any viral video has gotten that kind of attention. Second, the video seems to be perfect and flawless, on every screen it is shown on. And the way the ad is edited it seems like it's going over the web live, straight from cell phone to the web.

Will most people even know what Cisco is and why they are advertising?

So many dumb moments in business, so little time. But Business 2.0 mag has their picks for the 101 dumbest of 2006.

Wal-Mart is #1, for hiring a big firm to create their "Candidate Wal-Mart" campaign. #2 is Northwest Airlines, for giving their employees a "How To Save Money" booklet after laying them off. #3 is the contest McDonald's held in Japan, with the winners getting free mp3 players with a virus on them. The rest of the top 10 are GM, Kazakhstan, Steve Wynn, The New York Times, Spirit Air, Porter County, and Comcast.

There are 101 in all, so grab a hot beverage and get comfortable. You can't see the entire list on one page, which is a little annoying, but there is a handy scroll function at the bottom.

You've seen the commercials: a guy puts on some Axe body spray and/or body wash and he goes from being a nebbish to being mobbed in a way somewhere between the way that the Beatles were mobbed by women in the 60s and a Caligula-era orgy. I was wondering: does this really work? Is there some ingredient in Axe that makes the ladies go crazy?

Short answer: no. Long answer: no.

I used the stuff last week for three days in a row. I used the body wash and also sprayed the stuff on, and in three different situations I was completely ignored by females. Unless you count the clerk at the supermarket asking me "Do you have your Shaw's card?" as foreplay. Same thing at Border's Books and Bed, Bath, and Beyond.

Of course, I'm not saying the stuff doesn't work. Maybe I'm using it wrong?

I always get a little bummed out after the holidays. I really love Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year's, and it's always sort of a letdown when Jan 2 comes around and we're back to the same old grind and same old "feeling" to the year. I don't mind if there are holiday specials after January 2 or if people have their lights up after New Year's Day.

But I think that January 22 and beyond is a little too much.

There's a new commercial for Special K cereal that shows a mom dressed in red and white, next to her family's Christmas tree, and her daughter calls her "Santa!" She then realizes she's too fat and needs to lose weight so she goes to the cupboard to eat Special K (is that how dieting works, you're overweight so you go to the kitchen to get something to eat?). "Joy to the World" plays in the background, the family is under the tree, and the dad helps the kid with her toys.

Merry Christmas, it's almost Valentine's Day.

Funny satire of Second Life, the game that is sweeping the nation (though I've never played it once, gone to any sites about it once, or read much about it). It's called Get A First Life, and there really isn't much to the site (no links to click, etc). It's more of a one page parody of the entire Second Life genre, how people can actually access the real world outside of their homes.

"First Life is a 3-D analog world where server lag does not exist."

"Fornicate using your actual genitals."

Ha! You can get T-shirts too.

[via Boing Boing]

I always thought that the term "Snow Fresh" was only used when someone was talking about peas, or a particularly randy comment by Frosty, but it was also once used when describing cigarettes.

In the old TV commercial for Kool cigarettes below, the guy tries to convince you that they are "as cool and as clean as a breath of fresh air," not a throat that's raw and smoky from too many cigarettes and too much coughing. It's amazing how many ads use ice and water and refreshing cool weather when trying to sell smokes.

The guy has a great "announcer" voice. I know I've heard it on many ads from that era. He probably got it from smoking.

Even though advertisers seem to be fleeing newspapers and going to the web and other places, and despite an an offer from former GE chairman Jack Welch and advertising veteran Jack Connors, The New York Times says that The Boston Globe is not for sale.

Janet Robinson, the chief executive of the Times Company, told Boston business and political leaders yesterday that the newspaper is a very important asset to them and they seem things improving in the future. This comes the same week that the Globe revealed that they are laying off 125 works at the paper and the Worcester Telegram & Gazette, and another 55 jobs would be outsourced to a firm in India.

Many people are unhappy with the stock structure that the paper has, and say that is one of the reasons for the financial problems.

The Office is my favorite comedy on television right now. Did you see last night's episode?

Last week, Dwight quit Dunder-Mifflin so his secret girlfriend Angela wouldn't get in trouble for something he did for her, and this week we find out that he got a new job...at Staples! Now, ordinarily this wouldn't be much of a plot to talk about (though on most shows the character wouldn't have gone to work at a real company, they would have gotten a job at some fictional company), but it comes a short time after the episode that had a subplot of one of the Dunder-Mifflin employees buying a special (and real) paper shredder. An episode that had a commercial for the shredder. And now Dwight gets a job at Staples?

Is this going to far, or is everything fair in love and product placement these days?

I like those Staples commercials that have the big red button. You can even buy the button in stores, though I keep forgetting to pick one up. Might be a cool thing to keep on my desk.

Now I've noticed that Office Depot has a new campaign, though I'd have to say it's a bit creepier than a button. In the new ads, the ones that feature the song "Whooooooa, Office Depot, Whoooooa!", employees and customers use a hand that pops out of a box to direct them to products around the store. Sort of like Thing from The Addams Family.

My question is, does every store get their own hand? Whose hands are they? Can the hands think and feel and dream about a life outside of the box?

I'll stick with the button. I don't want to think about severed limbs when I shop for pens.