The hell?

Is this a real commercial? It's from the 1980s, and it's an ad for something called "Synth coke," which seems to be like real cocaine, only not as expensive (but who knows if the effects were the same, better, or worse). The ad, which has all of the charm and production values of 80s porn movies, says that it's the way to a girl's heart (and other things) and that it can be found in "adult bookstores and boutiques throughout Manhattan."

I don't remember seeing this on VH-1's I Love The 80s.

[via Boing Boing]

No, it's not a new game show on NBC featuring a celebrity host and a bunch of girls with giant noses that might contain money, it's a new advertising idea from the folks at the financial paper.

As Chris mentioned earlier, they're a new version of the old "scratch and sniff" ads called "rub and sniff," which actually sounds like some sex position, or maybe a play that will be run in the Super Bowl coming up in February. These ads will use a technology different from the typical peel and smell ads (like cologne ads) you see in mags like GQ and Esquire. It's a rub, not a scratch.

For now the ads will just be included in newspaper inserts, not as part of the newspaper itself.

I'm not sure what to think of this ad. It was created for an environmental organization and shows two trees standing side by side, their trunks smoking and spewing flames like the Twin Towers on September 11, 2001. The text on the ad reads: "For nature, everyday is 9/11."

Setting aside the argument of whether or not the ad is insensitive, or if it's too soon to evoke such images, I wonder if the ad actually makes a clear point. I understand it wants to demonstrate how the environment is "under attack," but there are no specifics. The idea of comparing it to 9/11 may be jarring and controversial, which is obviously the point, but I want more detail. I want to know exactly how the events of that day and our treatment of the environment are similar. I have no problem with an ad trying to shock people, but such an ad would have a much larger impact if it was more obvious why such a connection is being made.

So many dumb moments in business, so little time. But Business 2.0 mag has their picks for the 101 dumbest of 2006.

Wal-Mart is #1, for hiring a big firm to create their "Candidate Wal-Mart" campaign. #2 is Northwest Airlines, for giving their employees a "How To Save Money" booklet after laying them off. #3 is the contest McDonald's held in Japan, with the winners getting free mp3 players with a virus on them. The rest of the top 10 are GM, Kazakhstan, Steve Wynn, The New York Times, Spirit Air, Porter County, and Comcast.

There are 101 in all, so grab a hot beverage and get comfortable. You can't see the entire list on one page, which is a little annoying, but there is a handy scroll function at the bottom.

• Ad exec Chuck McBride apparently created a rather gruesome video showing a massacre in the TBWA's San Francisco office. Seems he created the video as a way of sort of showing off what exactly he can do.
  
• Current Senator and GOP Presidential candidate Sam Brownback is planning a new set of discussions between lawmakers and food marketers on the issue of advertising's role in childhood obesity numbers. Media companies that rely in large part on those food ad dollars have also been invited to participate.
  
• Yahoo did better than expected in the fourth quarter of 2006 but, at the same time doesn't want people to get too crazy with their expectations.

You might recall a post I wrote earlier this month about the British band 7 Seconds of Love. Lead singer Joel Veitch, he of the odd little Web site RatherGood.com and the mind behind those fun but creepy "sponge monkey" commercials for Quiznos, was upset about a South American ad for Coca-Cola that copied the band's song "Ninja" and the music video Veitch himself created for it.

Well, the band sued and Coca-Cola is now going out of business. Wait, I'm sorry, that's not what happened at all. Actually, the band and Coca-Cola settled out of court, and the ad for Coke Light has been pulled from television. If nothing else, this was a nice little bit of publicity for the band.

I always thought that the term "Snow Fresh" was only used when someone was talking about peas, or a particularly randy comment by Frosty, but it was also once used when describing cigarettes.

In the old TV commercial for Kool cigarettes below, the guy tries to convince you that they are "as cool and as clean as a breath of fresh air," not a throat that's raw and smoky from too many cigarettes and too much coughing. It's amazing how many ads use ice and water and refreshing cool weather when trying to sell smokes.

The guy has a great "announcer" voice. I know I've heard it on many ads from that era. He probably got it from smoking.

The truth can finally be told: McDonald's is inserting single-frame subliminal ads into Food Network's programming. If you don't believe me, just watch the video below. Soon we'll all be kneeling at the foot of a bronze Grimace statue while confusedly scratching at the horseshoe-shaped sutures on our shaved heads. Take heed!

Then again, maybe it was just a glitch, and maybe, just maybe, it was proved half a century ago that subliminal advertising doesn't work. However, the obvious answer is rarely as entertaining, so I like to imagine that somewhere in an underground bunker Ronald McDonald is ranting and raving like Dr. Strangelove and demanding more images of McDonald's be planted on television so he can build an army of mind slaves and take over the world. I shall lay down my life for my new bichrome overlord.

Even though advertisers seem to be fleeing newspapers and going to the web and other places, and despite an an offer from former GE chairman Jack Welch and advertising veteran Jack Connors, The New York Times says that The Boston Globe is not for sale.

Janet Robinson, the chief executive of the Times Company, told Boston business and political leaders yesterday that the newspaper is a very important asset to them and they seem things improving in the future. This comes the same week that the Globe revealed that they are laying off 125 works at the paper and the Worcester Telegram & Gazette, and another 55 jobs would be outsourced to a firm in India.

Many people are unhappy with the stock structure that the paper has, and say that is one of the reasons for the financial problems.

• The potential merger that's been floated between XM and Sirius has, unsurprisingly, been given a thumbs-down by FCC chairman Kevin Martin. I can't imagine why he would think that the only two companies in a particular marketplace merging would create a monopoly. Oh, that's right, because it does.
• Online video is very cool and there's some awesome content being created for it. But it's still running into problems as an advertising medium because marketers don't quite get it yet and also because of some unintentional contextual missteps.
• Mary Minnick is leaving Coca-Cola just a month after being passed over for the number two position within the company. Minnick has been with Coke for 23 years and will leave at the end of February.

The Office is my favorite comedy on television right now. Did you see last night's episode?

Last week, Dwight quit Dunder-Mifflin so his secret girlfriend Angela wouldn't get in trouble for something he did for her, and this week we find out that he got a new job...at Staples! Now, ordinarily this wouldn't be much of a plot to talk about (though on most shows the character wouldn't have gone to work at a real company, they would have gotten a job at some fictional company), but it comes a short time after the episode that had a subplot of one of the Dunder-Mifflin employees buying a special (and real) paper shredder. An episode that had a commercial for the shredder. And now Dwight gets a job at Staples?

Is this going to far, or is everything fair in love and product placement these days?

• The commute into work for Time staffers had to be nerve-wracking to say the least. That's because today is the day that between 150 and 250 of those staffers are going to be told they've been let go as the company seeks to trim operating costs.
  
• Even though they named "The Consumer" as their Agency of the Year, AdAge takes some time to recognize some of the great work actual agencies did in 2006. That's very nice of them, I think.
  
• 2007 is going to be a rough year for marketers who target kids. That goes for food marketers especially but a number of other industries are going to wind up being scrutinized as well.

The hell?

Remember those commercials with Woodsy The Owl, the ones that told kids and adults to "Give a hoot. Don't pollute!"? I haven't seen them in a while, but I think the USDA Forest Service is still using the icon in their campaign. But they're also very serious about how people get rid of their Woodsy The Owl costumes. You can't just throw them away, you have to incinerate the entire costume, and it has to be done in front of a USDA Forest Service official!

As some of the readers at Boing Boing have wondered, why such strict rules? Are they updating the character and want no trace of the old model? Is it environmentally friendly to burn the costumes? Hmmmm.

The other night I caught a commercial for UPS and the Whiteboard section of its Web site. The site's purpose is to show how UPS can help with all your needs no matter who you are or how often you deliver packages. It's not a bad way to raise interest, but listen to the music playing in the background on the site, and in the TV spots. That song is "Such Great Heights" by the band The Postal Service.

Here's my theory: a secret agent from the United States Postal Service infiltrated the ad agency and insisted they use a song by the Postal Service in the ad, thus subliminally telling viewers to go out and use the United States Postal Service instead of UPS.

A cover version of the song has also been used in commercials for M&Ms. It's my belief that the USPS wants to lure everyone to the post office so its army of mail carriers can steal everyone's M&Ms.

Make the truth visible. Power to the people.

• Deutsch has landed the media planning duties for Johnson & Johnson's Tylenol brand. Deutsch currently handles creative duties for Tylenol and had previously done the planning work before briefly, you know, not.
• If it's Friday it must be time for a new round of speculation regarding the potential merger between Sirius and XM. While it might be good for shareholders, am I the only one who thinks that a merger of the only two players in a particular market might raise some anti-trust concerns? It's not like they're lowering the number of competitors - they're eliminating competition outright.
  
• The New York City Commission on Human Rights has published the minority hiring goals submitted by the agencies to try and make up for the inequality they've been accused of.