• There's about to be an advertising show down between K-Y and Zestra, both of which make products to help with female sexual arousal. Zestra is a small brand but it's hoping that the wealth of clinical research it has done will help it compete.
• A bunch of middle-aged or outright old and rich white guys, all of whom preside over professional sports leagues, talk branding and other issues.
• I don't think "prepare" is the right word. I actually think TV stations are salivating over the estimated $1 billion that's about to be dropped on the upcoming Presidential campaign. One way they could handle the overflow of candidates looking for ad time is to divert some of them to the web.

Continue reading Test whether you're a Mitchum Man

So many dumb moments in business, so little time. But Business 2.0 mag has their picks for the 101 dumbest of 2006.

Wal-Mart is #1, for hiring a big firm to create their "Candidate Wal-Mart" campaign. #2 is Northwest Airlines, for giving their employees a "How To Save Money" booklet after laying them off. #3 is the contest McDonald's held in Japan, with the winners getting free mp3 players with a virus on them. The rest of the top 10 are GM, Kazakhstan, Steve Wynn, The New York Times, Spirit Air, Porter County, and Comcast.

There are 101 in all, so grab a hot beverage and get comfortable. You can't see the entire list on one page, which is a little annoying, but there is a handy scroll function at the bottom.

You've seen the commercials: a guy puts on some Axe body spray and/or body wash and he goes from being a nebbish to being mobbed in a way somewhere between the way that the Beatles were mobbed by women in the 60s and a Caligula-era orgy. I was wondering: does this really work? Is there some ingredient in Axe that makes the ladies go crazy?

Short answer: no. Long answer: no.

I used the stuff last week for three days in a row. I used the body wash and also sprayed the stuff on, and in three different situations I was completely ignored by females. Unless you count the clerk at the supermarket asking me "Do you have your Shaw's card?" as foreplay. Same thing at Border's Books and Bed, Bath, and Beyond.

Of course, I'm not saying the stuff doesn't work. Maybe I'm using it wrong?

I don't think I've ever seen a bear look so sexy. Well, maybe Smokey the Bear; he was quite a hunk. Actually, that Snuggles the Bear was kind of a tease, too. And don't get me started on Gentle Ben.

Ok, I'm joking, except about Gentle Ben, I totally want to make out with that bear. I just thought these ads were pretty funny. They were created for Volvo's "eco-friendly" cars, and instead of showing hot human babes on the hood of the cars, they have animals striking provocative poses. It's a very funny idea, though I might have added some kind of swimsuit to the animals to make it more effective. Then again, maybe that would cross the line from "cute" to "disturbing." A penguin in a thong would be interesting, though.

If you're unlike me and can't become aroused by smelling yourself, have I got the product for you: the Scentuelle Libido Patch. The patch can be applied to any part of your anatomy -- actually, it's supposed to go on your wrist, but whatever -- and when you take a big whiff, the floral aroma is supposed to make you aroused. Hopefully it doesn't also attract bees. As my grandfather used to say, "nothing ruins sex more than a bee attack." I can't believe we had him committed for saying that. Only now do I truly understand his wisdom.

Two versions of the patch exist: one for men and one for women. I don't know if animals also react to it, but if they do I can think of a few pranks involving a sleeping friend and a duck.

The next time you watch Sunday Night Football, imagine John Madden naked.

OK, don't do that. But imagine what you would do, if you were a parent, and the John Madden football video game you bought for your 14 year-old contained porn images on it. That's what happened this Christmas to the Mahoney family in Utah. They bought the Madden NFL 07 game at a Circuit City, and when their son put it into his Xbox 360 console, he saw something you don't usually see on the football field: naked people!

His first thought: "this is definitely not Madden."

He told his parents and they called Electronic Arts. They're investigating the incident. In the meantime, they gave him a new game for free. No word on which game he'd rather have.

[via The Obscure Store and Reading Room]

Dear Late Night Chat Line Girl,

I see you every single night between midnight and 1:30am, during syndicated repeats of "Friends" and "Scrubs", and I wonder if you could ever really love me. Sure, I know you're just playing a part, a hot chick who supposedly talks on the phone late at night with horny college guys and drunks and writers and other creatures of the night who are lonely and want to talk to someone on the phone. But sometimes I wonder if you and I could ever have a real relationship.

Continue reading Dear Late Night Chat Line Girl

• Ford says it has nothing to do with banner ads for an online concert it's sponsoring being placed on sites that feature the ubiquitous photos of Paris Hilton and Britney Spears sans underwear. The concert is being hosted by Control Room, which is in charge of advertising the event.
  
• DirecTV is launching five dedicated NASCAR channels, each one of which will be dedicated to a single driver for a week. The deal gives that driver's sponsor exclusive control over the ad space during race broadcasts that week and other exclusive incentives.
• VNU will lay off 4,000 employees, a move that will help the company fund its new NielsenConnect all-encompassing measurement program.

These are some funny and rather ribald ads for New Partners, a dating agency. They show Ken and Barbie, both without a significant other and forced to resort to pleasuring themselves. Actually, I'm going to assume those are generic dolls and not actually Ken and Barbie, since there would surely be some kind of copyright issue with using the actual dolls. Plus, I'm not sure Mattel would be happy with having their dolls used in such a way. My only question is, what exactly are "Ken" and "Barbie" touching under their clothes? Last I knew, neither of them had much going on down there. I'm not saying they should start making the dolls anatomically correct, but it would give little girls a place to keep all of Barbie's accessories, kinda like the compartment in the back of Mr. Potato Head. Seriously, I should be charging for all the free advice I give away on this blog.