• The Adventures of the Trix Rabbit. Every week that silly rabbit tries to grab the Trix cereal from a band of different group of kids. Each week he's foiled and his existence reaffirmed to an intrepid reporter who is trying to track him down. The rabbit always manages to leave before the reporter, though. At the end of each episode we see him carrying his backpack down another road as a soft piano plays on the soundtrack.
• Monkeys in a Cubicle. The CareerBuilder monkeys get a series of their own as they attempt to navigate the tricky waters of corporate America. We focus specifically on the story of one monkey, Jim, who is constantly under pressure from his uncle to join the family business and become an organ grinder.

Continue reading The Standing Eight: Mascots who need their own series

Continue reading The Standing Eight: Most annoying commercial phrases

Okay, so last month I named eight of the hottest male mascots in advertising, using very sophisticated scientific methods. For this round I'm going to focus on those sultry females. Let's get it on:

The Morton Salt Girl: While she may have seemed innocent walking in the rain and pouring salt onto the ground, the Morton Salt Girl is actually the most promiscuous of all mascots, having bedded everyone from Ronald McDonald to the Honey Nut Cheerios Bee. She was also the first person to dump salt on the sidewalk during a rainstorm, which she claimed helped conjure up the demons who bestow her with a superhuman-like sexual prowess.

Continue reading The Standing Eight: Hot mascots (the ladies)

Welcome to the first installment of AdJab's The Standing Eight, which, in deference to our boxing heritage, will serve as a list of nifty things - in packs of eight - that you might enjoy. So without further ado, here goes nothing!

Who, you ask, are the sexiest male mascots of all time? Well, I've compiled a list which I think you'll find compelling and/or incredibly insane. Enjoy:

Orville Redenbacher: Sure, he's not much to look at, and he's also dead, but this popcorn magnate has a ton of money, so he's perfect for a gal who's looking for someone to shower them with money and gifts from beyond the grave. What better way to make a girl happy than a bottomless bank account, a lifetime supply of popcorn, and the claw of Cerberus, the demon dog who guards the gateway to Hades (whom Redenbacher defeated using his magic bow tie)? Sink your talons into this one and don't let go, ladies.

Sonny the Cuckoo Bird: A fun, eccentric fowl, and a dynamo in the sack, according to the book Mascots I've Slept With: The Positively True Confessions of the Morton Salt Girl. He's the perfect feathery hunk of love meat, if you don't mind always being second to a bowl of Cocoa Puffs.

Snap, Crackle, and Pop: Yes, apparently these elves really do everything together. While rather tepid lovers individually, they really know how to warm up your marshmallow treats when they work as a team. Although, my sources tell me Snap and Crackle are the real studs, and Pop doesn't really add much to the mix. I hear he's nice to talk with, though.

Continue reading The Standing Eight: Hot mascots (the men)